Ensayos
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The Gender Politics of Fasting
“When a woman intentionally fasts, we are more likely to see her as sick; and when a man does it, we consider him spiritual.”
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It’s a Terrible Day in the Neighborhood, and That’s O.K.
Fred Rogers’s belief that we should validate emotions, not suppress them, is wisdom for all ages.
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Companions in Misery
“The possibility of someone’s being a happy complainer gets lost when we equate dissatisfaction with unhappiness.”
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In Praise of Lost Causes
“If we want to be legitimate actors in the world, Unamuno would say that we must be willing to lose the fight.”
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The Freedom to Fail
“Getting comfortable with failure can free us to pursue difficult and worthwhile activities”
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Laughing in Spanish
“In giving my sons another language I hope to bypass certain kinds of cultural tourism.”
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Giving Birth to Difference
“Creating a human being means contending with life’s disappointing byproduct. difference”
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Be a Winner, Not a Whiner
“The goal of this dystopic linguistic universe is to lose (and learn) as little as possible.”
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Uncontrollable Feelings
“Feelings are neither blameworthy nor praiseworthy. Only action is, so let’s quit trying to cheer up and get busy behaving beautifully.”
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Why Are We Always Trying to Be Positive Around Kids?
“If affirming kids’ sadness makes them feel better, why do we hesitate to do it?”
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Poke, Prod, and Rile: Secrets of Good Teaching
“I’m not a sadist, but I seem to have masochistic tendencies: The philosophers I love best tell me I am living poorly and need to change immediately.”
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The Art of Time Management
“Even as I rushed Proust I knew I was reading wrong. We’re all desperate to get somewhere, except that there’s nowhere to go, he whispered.”
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There are No Mothers
“Mothers everywhere want to be more than just mothers. I suggest that we stop being them altogether.”
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Against Cheerfulness
“Whistling while you work might be worth defending, but forcing yourself to smile when you don’t feel like it amounts to lying to the people around you.”
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Spitting in Death’s Eye
“Believing in immortality isn’t cheating, but denying that we’re clueless about the afterlife is.”
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Trying to Escape the Sea
“We should be thankful for the somersaults of the stomach, since they are reminders of a profound existential truth: we are accidental creatures.”
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A White Scholar in a Brown Body
“I could only build this intellectual bridge because my embodied experience taught me about reconciling dual identities. “
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Children Make Us Gods
But if books are babies, like Castellanos suggests, then culture becomes a family affair.
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X-Risks and Existentialism
“When we merge with super-intelligent AI, we’ll finally conquer our limitations, eradicate our suffering, and vanquish death.”
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Lessons in Anger
“As a Latina I was raised on humility and self-sacrifice, and it’s only in moments of clear-headed rage that I stop worrying about other people’s reactions.”
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Existential Therapy
“Existentialists excel at letting a person suffer because they’ve been there; they are awash in the human weakness and authentic melancholy that Cioran couldn’t find in Kant.”
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What is a Life Lived Well?
“Fully human beings sit in this darkness sometimes instead of always reaching for a light.”
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The Color of My Language
“How many identities have been broken because our world cannot handle linguistic incongruity?”
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Strangers in Love
“The sooner we agree to un-know the people we love, the sooner we can shove over and make their acquaintance.”
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The Shifting Seat of Truth
“If we’re really considering asking reason to take us back after partying hard for two decades and wrecking our thinking faculty, we’ll need to speak reason’s language: coherence, seriousness, relevance.”
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Re-membering Ourselves
“Try as we might, though, we’ll find that the pieces don’t go where they used to.”
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Relentless Uncertainty
“Stoicism asks us to picture the ills awaiting us, and Existentialism urges us to turn toward our anxiety.”
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Counting Ourselves Worthy
What kind of revolution could women and marginalized peoples start by believing that wisdom resides in us?
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Gender Outlines
When the hairdresser asked why I decided to shave the underside of my head I answered: “to make my outsides match my insides.”
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At Home with Bliss
There is more to life than scurrying from school to sports to sleep and so on and so on.
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Stop Calling Women Strong
We’re working with an antiquated definition of strength
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Emotional Intelligence
When it comes to toxic display rules, sometimes the smartest choice is to break them.
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Playing in a Rigged Game
This ugly feeling is sacramental—an outward sign of something inner—here, a sign of injustice instead of grace
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You're Just Like Them
“Remember,” Marcus dug down into the well of his Stoicism, “This life is a chance at dignity.”
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Losing Like a Stoic
“My mother’s son was never hers, and my mother was never mine.”